How do we heal following  a life-changing event, such as the death of a loved one, loss of a job, relationship break up or any other stressor? 

Healing starts with the truth. We do this when we practice compassion with ourselves as well as others. We can start by observing our inner experience, as well as observing others without judgement, with genuine curiosity. Our curiosity can help us become aware of our own filters, which may be altering our perception. Coming to a less tainted understanding can help us accept reality and experience increased compassion.  

Compassion doesn’t have to mean that we let others who have wronged us off the hook. It can mean quite the opposite. Our genuine curiosity can lead us to holding others responsible for the pain created, and letting ourselves heal, knowing we did our best to survive. Or it can mean understanding why we responded the way we did. We can come to realize that perhaps we did something wrong. This can help us figure out what we need in order to heal, such as make amends, and work towards self-forgiveness.  Or it can lead to understanding a situation or someone’s perspective on a deeper level. We may understand the pattern of inter-generational trauma, and realize the chain of suffering that was handed down.   Non-judgmental curiosity can help our perspective broaden. It can make it easier to grieve and lead us on a path to healing. 

​As human beings we are always in an emotional state. Thank your limbic system, or emotion center of the brain, for that. Most of us have been led to believe since we were kids that emotions are bad, and not to be trusted. Many of us have been punished since childhood when experiencing "bad emotions." "I'll give you something to cry about!" was a common refrain of the past by exasperated parents. We learned to suppress "negative emotions" and put on a happy face.

In our society, we are repeatedly given the message that emotions are good or bad. We are told that it is virtuous to feel happy or grateful or in love all the time. We are told that these are "positive emotions."  In fact, we now know that emotions are neither good nor bad in of themselves. Emotions are simply information meant to guide us. We should not be criticizing or qualifying them as positive or negative. We should however try to understand, from a curious, non-judgmental perspective, how our emotions are informing us. This does not mean wallowing in our emotions but coming to a deeper understanding. If we reflect on our emotions with curiosity, we can understand ways to improve our lives or to avoid bad situations. We can gain wisdom, and make choices that are more authentic, beneficial and meaningful to us.

The last thing we should do is ignore or dismiss some of our emotions, even those like sadness, anger, jealousy, etc. Imagine that you value spending time with friends but work so many hours that you don't have time to see them. Your sadness can inform you of the importance of your support system, which can allow you to create change in your life. 

But shouldn't I just be "rational?" Shouldn't I trust my thoughts? In fact, our thoughts may be less trustworthy than our emotions. Research shows that humans can be quite counterintuitive when it comes to making decisions based on their thoughts. Thoughts may be irrational, self-critical, critical of others, or maladaptive. The emotions behind them may be real, but the thoughts themselves may be unhelpful. For example, you may feel very sad because your best friend hasn't answered your text message in days. The sadness is real. Your belief regarding the unanswered text may or may not be true, helpful or adaptive. You may come up with a theory, such as "my friend is angry with me" which may be false. Perhaps your friend is not angry, but busy, lost their phone, or too depressed to answer the message. We don't know which theory is true. But your emotion is still real. And you can use it to propel an action tendency that is healthy. So, then how do I move forward when I feel sad that my friend did not text me back? Well, first honor the sadness. Of course it's sad. You value this friendship. Allow yourself to feel this sadness. And what would be a healthy action tendency? What would help soothe this emotion? You can text your friend to make sure everything is ok, you can hold on to your beliefs (theories) lightly in regard to why she is not texting back, and you can be compassionate with yourself. You can remind yourself that just because you think it, it doesn't mean that it's a fact. Our thoughts are just theories, which may or may not be correct.

But shouldn't I just dismiss my sadness? Shouldn't I just distract myself? Put it out of my mind? Well, by doing this, you risk holding on to this emotion longer. And it may transform into other emotions. After all, if you believe your friend is angry with you, perhaps you may also believe she doesn't value your friendship, and you may start to feel deeply hurt and angry. And this may translate into unhealthy behaviors. Instead of checking in with your friend, you may irrationally decide she was never your friend and ignore her when you see her at school or work. Or you may be terse with her when she finally texts back. She may then react to this negatively and stop talking with you as well. One simple misunderstanding can cause a downward spiral, which can hurt your relationship. And you may never learn the real reason your friend didn't return your message. 

So don't dismiss your emotions! They are just messengers meant to be understood--and honored.  And instead, learn to be gentle with your thoughts and not judge your own emotions. Be curious and open to understanding why you are experiencing an emotion. Make peace with the ambiguity of not knowing why people do the things they do. Heck...it's even hard for us to understand our own emotions. 

And finally, let me answer the title of article, "When is it ok to be angry?" The answer is: anytime. Anger is just information. It's what we do with it that matters. There is such a thing as good anger. Think Rosa Parks' anger. She was not tired when she sat down in the front of the bus and refused to get up. She was rightly angry and used this anger to inspire change. She inspired change not by beating people up, but by resisting laws that were unjust. Her anger was appropriate and adaptive. And her behavior was brave and inspirational. 

But shouldn't we just strive for being happy all the time? Well, not if it means suppressing how we feel. If we did that, we would live some pretty unhealthy lives. It would mean constantly dismissing information that was necessary for our happiness. We would stay in that terrible job too long, we would never strive for more; we wouldn't get the information we need to help ourselves or understand our situations. "Happy" is not always the right emotion. If you saw someone acting happy at a family member's funeral, would that be adaptive? You may rightly wonder what this meant. 

So, if it's called for: be angry. But learn to do what's right with it. Be sad: and find the beauty or the wisdom in it. And by allowing yourself to authentically feel, you will live a more meaningful, and ultimately happier life.

Check out our new therapists under the MEET OUR STAFF tab! Pictures coming soon! Please welcome social workers Ms. Klare Heston, LISW-S and Mr. Mike Joyce, LISW and psychologist, Dr. Katherine Kratz, PsyD! 

We are excited to announce more news for our practice. As many know, we have expanded and moved our practice from Fairview Park to Westlake! We have three wonderful new therapists who will be joining our practice! Their bios will be soon available on our website: www.ipsyhealth.com

Furthermore, we are starting several groups for teenagers and adults, including dialectical behavioral therapy for adolescents, resiliency groups for teen girls and boys, and anger management for adults and adolescents. Stay tuned for updates on meeting times!
We are grateful to continue being of service to our community and continue to decrease stigma associated with mental illness!

Warmly,

IPH
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#sparkchange #yourstorymatters #theresnousversusthem#justpartofbeinghuman

Here is a short article about telepsychology.  Telebehavioral health means using a HIPAA certified video platform in order to virtually meet with people who would otherwise not be able to access mental health treatment. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/two-takes-depression/201708/depression-and-telepsychology

October is national domestic violence awareness month. If you are in need of help, you may speak with a domestic violence trained peer advocate by calling 1-866-331-9474. Check out the "Break the Cycle" website below to learn more! 

https://www.breakthecycle.org/blog/it%E2%80%99s-national-domestic-violence-awareness-month

With the holidays upon us, this can be a peaceful and joyous time of the year. However, this can also be  a lonely, difficult time for many who have struggled with loss or isolation. 

At IPH, we are offering a support group to help those struggling with loneliness and loss.  We plan on providing this weekly support group over the next 4 months. The first meeting will take place this week Thursday 12/15/16 at 4:00 pm.  Please call us at 216-801-4656 to learn more, or email us at iph@ipsyhealth.com
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From the staff at IPH, we would like to extend our warmest wishes for a healthy and peaceful holiday season for all!

Just a reminder that we will be hosting our first support group for parents/caregivers/grandparents of children/adults with autism. Please see the flier under the "mental health services" tab! This group meets from 9-10 on Saturdays. Please call us at 216-801-4656 to register, or you may register through our website under the "Scheduling" tab. Looking forward to seeing everyone on Saturday at our Fairview Park location:
20800 Westgate Plaza, suite 103, Fairview Park, OH 44126